Dear Mom

A sunflower for remembrance.

Well, it’s been three years now since you died.  This is probably going to be the last year I’ll write to you on the date of your death.  From now on, I’d rather celebrate the anniversary of your birth, and your life.  I think of you often, and I’d rather not dwell on the cancer, the hospice room, and the sadness.  I don’t believe you would have wanted that from any of us.  I will, however, always remember those beautiful sunflowers.

I haven’t seen a deer yet today, but I expect one will come by.  A doe, one who will bring a sense of warmth and peace.  She always shows up, as if you sent her.

The softness of thistle

I do hope you’ve been able to see and follow your great-granddaughters.  They are so beautiful and talented.  Emma is seven years old now and very much into dance.  She’s still a little shy, but the dancing seems to be helping her slide out of her shell a little bit.  Maddy is three and there is very little shyness about her.  She’s the most joyful human being I’ve ever met.  They have captured my heart.  Having been a grandmother long before me, you already know what that’s like.

The light-ness of thistle

Your grandsons, my two sons, are doing well.  I have some minor worries about them from time to time.  I read somewhere that when you have a child, you only worry about them for the first 30 years of their lives.  I think they should make that 40 years.  It could turn out to be longer, but you know how that is, too.

Fluffy nutter

The real reason I’m writing today is to say thank you.  I also want to say you were right.  (I can see you grinning at that one!  lol!)

Love, love, love you, Mom.  Thanks for being here, in my heart, this morning.  I enjoyed the chat.  I even had a cup of coffee in your honor.  I don’t know how you used to drink that stuff (potful after potful!!).  I can, however, appreciate the energy rush from the caffeine.  (Now I’m grinning.  And chuckling.  No wonder you were always on the move, unable to sit for more than a few minutes!)

Another message from the cattails. I wonder what they’re trying to say…

Today I will put aside the worries and sadness, and focus on all the gifts, the joys, and the wonders of life.  Thanks, Mom.

Morning visitor. (Today’s glimpse of the pond.)

For the first four years after she died, I felt like an orphan.  Then one night she came to me in a dream, and from that moment on, I no longer felt her death as a loss.  I understood that she had never died, that my sorrow was based on an illusion…  The reality of my mother was beyond birth or death.  I saw that being and non-being are not separate…  Being able to see my mother in a dream, I realized that I could see my mother everywhere.

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

27 Comments on “Dear Mom”

  1. Deborah Lee says:

    Today would have been my father’s 103rd birthday. He passed with he was 49 and I was eight. So this is always a notable day for me too.

  2. Dear Robin, Love and blessings as you and others remember your mothers and other loved ones. Lovely letter to your Mom. I also found my mother in a new way after the hard grief…Ellen

  3. Bo Mackison says:

    What a deeply moving post, Robin. How lovely that you are turning to the joys, that you now will celebrate her birth. The process is one I have not yet gone through – with others, but not with my mother – and so I cannot put myself in your place. But it sounds very brave and healthy.

  4. patsquared2 says:

    How beautiful. A tribute to your mom with all those lovely photos and the thoughts and wishes for your own children and your grandchildren. Thank you for sharing. I miss my mom every day. She died in May of 1996. But I also know that she is here, with me, in my house, in my garden and in my heart.

  5. Joanne says:

    The bond between mother and her child can never be broken Robin, even by not seeing them any more. You feel them instead, as they are always with you. I’ve had 19 years now to work this out, but I think you know this already. You see the signs, you feel her with you, and most importantly, you speak to her. She will love your letter today. And the deer will be there. xxx

  6. Shirley Anne says:

    That is wonderful. What a lovely tribute to your mom!

    Shirley Anne x

  7. elmediat says:

    Beautiful post. Excellent choice of photographs.

  8. Marianne says:

    This post made me cry, Robin. It’s so beautiful. Thank you so much for the wonderful gift in this post. Love and blessings to you, Robin.

  9. My favorite picture today, was the one you gave to us of your mother. What a beautiful picture you painted of her.

  10. artsifrtsy says:

    Lovely – I lost my mom so long ago – but still mark the time. This was a sweet picture that you painted.

  11. What a beautiful and touching post Robin… Fortunately the memories stay with us forever…

  12. Kathy says:

    I am crying right now, Robin. How beautifully you expressed this. Thank you.

  13. Gracie says:

    A beautiful tribute, Robin! It brought tears to my eyes as it reminded me of my aunt (my second mom) who recently passed away. I admire your strength and courage to overcome the sadness, I have yet to get a good grip of mine.

  14. ~mimo~ says:

    I love how soft this series is!

  15. jane tims says:

    Hi Robin. I used to write letters to my Mom after she died. Now, almost ten years later, a thought of her usually has to do with a story she told me, or what she would think about something that happens. Thank you for your post. Jane

  16. Such a sweet post, Robin ♥
    This past August 16th was the 20th anniversary of my dad’s death….it gets easier with time, but I’ll always miss him, and the best memories of him will never fade.

  17. What a lovely post and tribute. Thoughts and words are energy – and energy is never destroyed – it just changes forms, so I’m sure this was received and welcomed. Love the red centered flower – and the cattails under it…it is a note of something…like a piece of string tied around a finger for a reminder? Nicely done

  18. ocean1025 says:

    I lost my mother in May of 2010…so next spring will mark three years since she passed beyond the veil. I’m still trying to make my peace with it. I think I’m still in the orphan stage. Much as you described, the end for my mother was a sad one filled with cancer, hospice, sadness…and the heartbreak of watching her struggle with the pain and the indignity of her death. While it was difficult to let her go, at the same time it came with a sigh of relief that it was all over. Perhaps next May I will write a post. I don’t know if it will be as beautifully expressive as yours has been.

  19. Robin says:

    Thank you so much everyone for sharing your stories, for your comments, your love, and your hugs. You are all so wonderful. 🙂

  20. dearrosie says:

    Whew this was beautiful. You’re a gifted writer Robin.
    My Mom died a year ago. I miss her more than I realize because after reading your post I couldn’t stop the tears flowing down my cheeks…

    When my Mom came to me in a dream soon after her death and gave me the words to a song I wrote about it.

  21. Dana says:

    So, so beautiful, Robin. Thank you for sharing this post. xo

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