Miss you, Mom

(Mom.)

We are born for a higher destiny than that of earth; there is a realm where the rainbow never fades, where the stars will be spread before us like islands that slumber on the ocean, and where the beings that pass before us like shadows will stay in our presence forever.

~ Edward Bulwer-Lytton

Dear Mom,

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of your death.  It was a sad day.  Not as sad as the actual day itself, but still very sad.  I miss you.  My brothers and sister miss you.  Your grandchildren miss you.  Most of all, Dad misses you.  It’s a strange world without you in it.  There’s still a hole there where you used to be.

The past year has gone by more quickly than I would have expected.  It’s true what they say:  Life goes on.  The best examples of that are my grandchildren who are growing up so quickly it almost makes my head spin.  Emma is five years old now.  Maddy is one.  They are beautiful little girls.  But you already know that.  I am glad you had the chance to meet them before you died.  I wish they had had more time to get to know you.

Since you left us we’ve been through three seasons — winter, spring, and summer.  Now here we are back at almost-autumn again.  Winter was, as usual here in the Bogs, cold and snowy.  Spring passed through in a hurry so that summer could arrive early.  The harvest this year is amazing.  The vegetables and fruit have all ripened earlier than usual and have been incredibly vibrant and tasty.  As one of the folks at Hilgert’s said, it’s been a good growing season.

I remember how you used to freeze some of the vegetables from your garden.  The most vivid memory of that is the year the freezer in the basement lost power.  I don’t remember if the freezer died or if it was a long power outage (Hurricane Agnes maybe?).  What I do remember is you spending the day cooking all the food from the freezer before it thawed completely.  We feasted on some of it and the rest, I think, you were able to refreeze after you had cooked it.

I processed a lot of veggies this season.  Broccoli, tomatoes, green and yellow beans, peppers, and probably a few other things.  Yesterday I made a homemade version of spicy V8 juice.  It is remarkably delicious.  To be honest, it surprised me.  I’ve tried making tomato juice in the past and it was a disaster in terms of flavor and texture.  Too pulpy or something.  Anyhow, the vegetable juice turned out well.  I wish you were here to try it.  But then, I’m not sure if you liked V8 juice.  Or tomato juice, for that matter.  I feel like I should know that.  Perhaps I did know at one time and it’s one of the many things that I have forgotten as life fills my head with other memories.

I’ve been thinking about taking up crocheting again.  I haven’t done it in a long time.  But I am pretty sure I still remember the basics that you taught me.  I still have the lacy tablecloth you started for me.  I’d like to learn how to do that again so I can finish it.  It is a beautiful piece of work.  I don’t know that my talents will be up to it, but I would like to give it a try.  I wish you were here to help me out with it.

There is a lot more I could write to you about, but I am finding it difficult to ramble on the way I usually do.  The words don’t seem to want to form.  Besides, I really just wanted to say that I miss you.  I still have moments of wanting to pick up the phone to call and ask you about something or to tell you the latest news, forgetting that you won’t be there to answer (and wouldn’t it be a shocker if you did!).  I guess it will be like that for a long time.

Miss you, Mom.

Love you!

Robin

(Tears.)


11 Comments on “Miss you, Mom”

  1. Truddle says:

    May heartfelt hugs being sent your way Robin. The one year mark was hard for me too. I am glad your voice carries on… maybe one day mine will come back. It is hard… way down deep… I understand

  2. ocean1025 says:

    I just lost my mother in May. My heart is still a little raw. I have my good days and then the not-so-great days. Even tho it had been long coming – Mom had been struggling with both cancer and dementia for the last two years before her death – you’re never quite prepared for the day you have to say goodbye.

    Thank you for posting this beautiful tribute. I’m still hoping to do something comparable for mine.

    I miss my mom too.

  3. Bo Mackison says:

    Robin, sending you a big hug and calm and peaceful thoughts. I can only imagine how hard it must be to lose a mother you love so much and who loved you so much.

  4. Anna says:

    Robin…. touching letter and photos as a tribute to your Mom. Bless your heart. I understand…

  5. Debbie says:

    Robin, you were in my thoughts yesterday on this first year anniversary, along with your dad & siblings. It seems almost unbelievable that it could be that long already, just as knowing my dad has been gone 19 years. Some days it seems like an eternity and others like he just left, so very hard to describe.
    I do think of your mom often, and enjoy remembering the many memories I have of her. The pain never completely goes away but somehow we manage to keep going.
    Hang in there, it’s what she would want you to do.
    Love & hugs,
    Debbie

  6. Kel says:

    tears here too
    I’m sure your mum was an amazing woman, after all she made and raised you 😉

  7. Robin, I can relate to your letter, because there’s always so much more you want to say. But I do believe our loved ones hear us. I can imagine your Mum (Mom) being right there with you and speaking to you through her thoughts.

    Look for the signs, she is still there with you

    Sending you a huge hug . xxx

  8. Robin says:

    Thank you so much everyone for your kind comments, wishes, and hugs. They (and YOU!) are all much appreciated.

  9. Kathy says:

    Robin, I’m in a coffee shop right now in a nearby city and am crying. Your story is so touching. Can’t imagine the pain of losing a mom. Thinking of the seasons passing and how it all must be so different knowing you can’t pick up the phone and call. I am sure your mother got this letter and is sitting on the other side with a big smile on her face hugging all of you. So sure of it. I’m giving you a hug too. Can you feel it?

  10. […] Miss you, Mom (bogsofohio.wordpress.com) […]


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